Supporting a family member or close friend during a serious illness or injury isn’t easy.  It’s a responsibility that is self-less, kind and difficult all at once.   It’s hard to know exactly what to do to help and it hurts to watch someone you love suffer and lose the independent lifestyle they’re used to.  Often times, caring for someone so close to you can cause you to suffer both physically and mentally too.  As health professionals who have worked with thousands of clients who have struggled with caring for a sick loved one, and as people who have been in this position ourselves a time or two, we know that finding answers can be difficult.    These real life tips below can help you to be the best care taker to someone you love and learn how to take care of yourself in the process.  Because remember, if you don’t take care of yourself, you won’t be of much help to anyone else!

It helps to become educated about the illness or injury.  Often times when you understand the condition yourself, it becomes a lot less scary and you can offer advice or support that is helpful.  Just make sure not to overload yourself with information or believe everything you read or hear.  Talking to your loved one’s doctor or therapist can help you to find answers and actual ways you can help ease the pain.

Keep a positive outlook.  As a caretaker, your “energy” and mood can greatly influence others.  If you are positive and gently keeping your loved one’s spirits high, their outlook may improve as well.   

Reach out for help and encourage your friend or family member to do the same.  Often times when someone is dealing with a serious injury or illness or caring for someone who is, they feel very isolated.  It’s not uncommon to lose interest in the people and activities you’ve once loved and cared about.  This of course only creates more isolation.   Reaching out is a great way to reconnect and come to terms with a new lifestyle, and learn how to manage the stressors and pain that can accompany it.  There are support groups available for virtually every type of pain or illness and many of these groups can be found through a search on the web or from recommendations by a doctor.  These groups are an excellent way for you or your loved one to get feedback and a helping hand from people who know what you are going through, because they are in a similar situation.  Support groups can also help reduce those self-defeating and isolating thoughts.  One on one therapy is a good solution for anyone who may feel embarrassed about asking for help or prefers a private environment where they can learn coping skills.  Another way to reach out?  The next time a friend or family member asks, “What can I do?”, give them a task that can help lighten your load.  During tough times, it can be hard to remember that the people that care about you the most want to help and are stumped as to how to do so.  Asking them to pick up medication or groceries, run a few errands, or to make dinner one night will save you some time and energy and help them to feel needed.  Even letting friends and family treat you to a cup of coffee or lunch for some one on one venting can help refresh your mind.

Help your friend or family member find activities they can do that they enjoy.  When an illness or injury takes over, there’s a sudden sense of loss for all of the things one can no longer do.  These are the activities that once made this person who they are, and to be stripped of one’s favorite past-times, no matter how seemingly small, is difficult for anyone to take.  Try to encourage the activities that don’t cause pain and instead evoke happiness and relaxation.  Maybe it’s a walk in the sunshine, a relaxing cup of tea, painting, reading a great book or renting a favorite DVD.  Engaging someone in activities they can actively do can help take their mind off of the pain and all of the new and unwelcome restrictions in their life.  Getting “back to life” can also lead to a renewed sense of independence and positive thinking.

Lastly, don’t forget to take care of you!  As a care-taker, it’s so easy to forget yourself when all of your time is spent on someone else.  A lot of people will say they just don’t have the time or energy or may feel selfish because they are healthy while their family member or friend is not.  The truth is, if you stop taking care of yourself, it’s only a matter of time before you break down physically or mentally.  And then who will take care of the both of you?   Losing sleep, skipping meals and workouts, and bowing off dates with friends and family may feel like just a small sacrifice to help someone in need.  Try to remember that the healthier and more rested you are, the better equipped you are to help someone else.  Start by covering the basics.    Make sure you are setting “sleep hours” for yourself and sticking to them.  Take at least 30 minutes before bed to read, write in a journal or take a soothing bath; anything to relax your mind and prepare it for restful sleep.  Aim to eat balanced meals every few hours to keep your energy high and your mind alert.  You may need to pack a few protein bars or quick snacks like string cheese and fruit so you have something on hand while running errands.  Always carry a bottle of water to stay hydrated and ward off fatigue.  Regular exercise, even just a walk around your neighborhood will help ease your mind and release stress.  Make sure to leave your supplements in a place where you will see them (like the kitchen counter, not hidden in a cabinet) so your reminded to take them before you leave the house.  And lastly, let go of the guilty feelings and take a little time to unwind and pamper yourself.  A meal out, a great book, or a soothing massage might be all it takes to rejuvenate. 

Though it is incredibly difficult caring for someone who is hurt or ill that you love, it’s important to know that help is there if you need it.  Keeping yourself healthy and strong, both physically and mentally will allow you to be there for someone else when they need you most.